Losing Weight...

I feel like I've been on a diet for the past 5 years. I go on a diet and back off again. I try calling it a  "lifestyle change," instead of a diet. I try exercise, eating less, counting calories, and any number of apps. The problem is that I use food to feel better. I use food as a reward or remove it as a penalty.
I don't want to be super thin and super fit. I want to be able to play with my kids while sitting on the floor comfortably or run after them without feeling winded. I would like to be able to purchase cheap clothes that fit well and that I like. I don't want to buy things just because they fit. I don't want to track my calories for the rest of my life. I don't want to never eat chocolate again.
So I recently started trying Paleo and it was working ok until I started eating McDonalds...which isn't really good for me...and really doesn't taste that great. I feel like I'm self sabotaging and I don't have any idea why. So I thought maybe if I write about it I can try to see a pattern and find out why I am doing what I'm doing.
Back to Paleo tomorrow because for the 3 weeks I kept it up I lost 18lbs and felt great. I wasn't as tired in the afternoons and I wasn't always craving sugar. It's so weird that the more I eat sugar the more I want to eat and when I remove it from my diet I don't want it as much...until I have it once...then I want to just stuff my face full of sugar for ever and ever.
I'm also trying to remove the guilt from my life and increase my choices and responsibility. I have the choice of what I eat every day. I can choose to give into a craving or choose not to. I will not feel guilt. I will simply choose to continue on. Eating better really does make me feel better.