Time for a change

I've gained even more weight. I now weigh the most that I ever have 302.2 as of this morning. That's insane. My knees hurt - I'm tired all the time - (possibly because of the recent shift change to second shift) I eat when I'm bored, sad, happy, mad, I just mindlessly put food in my mouth. I can know going through the drive through that I have neither the money, nor the desire for the food I'm about to get but I buy it and eat it anyway....WHY?

I don't know. Part anxiety//depression disorder, part habit, part addiction, part lack of initiative to finally make a permanent change. Is it that I know in order to stop I am going to have to face things I don't want to face & do things I don't want to do?

Perhaps.

I sit all day at work. Sometimes 12 hours a day just sitting. How do I make up for that when I get home I have no energy even though I've sat literally all day I'm exhausted. Then I sit some more & read or watch TV.

I need to find a creative habit that keeps me active. Something I can do that is fun but doesn't involve sitting or eating.

It's only going to get worse once school starts and I have homework - if I let it get worse - no not if I let it - if I passively sit by and don't make a change.

I don't even want to be in pictures with my daughter because I look bad. She's going to look back at her 2 year old pictures and think I wasn't even here this year.

So I went to the library today and there are 70 bajillion diet, exercise, & self help books. How do I start? Where do I start? How do I take this process and make it less overwhelming? Maybe it is supposed to be overwhelming - but really there are plant only diets, raw only, paleo, primal, gluten free, grain free, red meat, mediterranean, clean,  21 day, 10 day, juicing, meal replacement, hormone balancing, vitamin enhancing.

How do you know which one is right?